Last weekend we were running a 5k here in Austin. Things were going great. Better, faster pace than we normally run, passing folks, having fun running with Frankie (our dog), when we had a spill. The wife took a tumble around halfway, when she tripped while taking off her sweatshirt. I was concerned, helped her up, only to see both knees badly scraped, along with her elbow, arm, leg, and hand. I wasn't sure how she would react, that is scary, and it hurts.

Well we ran the duration of the race, with blood running down the wife's leg, and finished in a pretty decent time. After the race we got lots of....dang that must hurts...comments. It looked (and I am sure felt) pretty bad.

We stopped to get some first aid help...no luck; the first aid station had trouble finding a band-aid. We went home, patched her up, and went out to eat at the 290 Cafe.

Not bad, the wife is definitely no wus (for those of you who doubted her).

So at times the Wife does things that I am not supposed to reveal...ahhhhhh, this is too funny to hold back....

Julie and I were talking the other day about Napoleon Dynamite and she was saving how funny she thougth Kip's voice was...(you can see where this was going...she spent the next ten minute holding her nose half closed and saying....

"I love technology, but not as much as you you see..."
"You're just jealous Napoleon, because I have been chatting with delicious babes all day..."

Oh, and she was also making herself laugh so much I thought she was going to pee on herself (sorry Teresa D.)

So while you are thinking of my crazy :) wife cracking us up, take this quiz to see what Nap Dyn character you most identify with!

I have a student who was just circumcised. I'm sure this is a pretty traumatic experience for a 6-year-old. The weeks prior to the surgery, he wouldn't discuss it at all. His mom told me he worried he was going to lose it all and come out a girl.

The surgery finally came and everything went well. He had a tough time coming back to school, though. His first morning back, everyone asked him, "Where have you been?" He told the class he had surgery. One student asked where. Zach was silent. He finally started pointing down low, when he got smart and instead of pointing to his lower region, said, "At the hospital!" It just got worse when, that day, he realized he couldn't go out to recess and had to sit in the office. Lots of tears and hysterics over that.

Here's the good part, though. On Thursday, I am standing by our classroom door and several boys are across the hall, using the restroom. I start to hear lots of giggling, which is never a good thing to hear from the boys restroom. I walk across the hall and into the restroom, stand on my tiptoes to see over the big partition and see Zach, pants down to his ankles, dancing, wiggling around, and singing, "Look at my new teetee. Look at my new teetee." Fighting back my laughter, I just asked him, "Zach, is this really appropriate bathroom behavior?" We definitely had the private parts lecture after that.

I guess he's not too traumatized by the whole experience after all.

Today, my Kindergartners and I were talking about bones and the skeletal system. We were reading a book, which contained a discussion of x-rays. Several hands shoot up; everyone has a story to tell about x-rays. I decide that now isn’t really the time for stories, but Mark offers one anyway. You’ll love it. He begins to tell us that once he bit a light bulb. When he bit it, it broke and glass went everywhere. His parents realized over the next day that this could be a problem, so they took him to the emergency room in fear that he may have swallowed some of the light bulb glass. But, in Mark’s words, he had already “shitted” it out on the toilet. I sat in silence for a second, thinking through his comment and making sure that was what he said. It was.

So Julie is hanging out with our neurotic cat tonight, and Farmer (the cat) did the most insane thing.

First a little background...

Farmer has been really lonely lately, so we have been trying to give her extra attention. The other day I was cuddling with her when I needed to get something from the garage. It was all well and good till about half way down the stairs when Farmer decided that we were not going to the garage, but to the pits of hell, and she wasn't goin' down without a fight. She starts flailing and clawing, so I drop her. She moans, runs under the car, continues to moan, till I coax her to come out, and back up the stairs. It was all very traumatic for the Farms....

So the wife was playing with the cat today and had the same thought. "Gotta go to the garage, why not bring the cat?" BAD idea.

So she’s walking down the stairs, cat thinks hell, decides to put the fire out, all over Julie. Nothing like a little cat pee shower fresh after your nightly shower. What a cute bundle of joy we have...

Yeh right.

I look over her shoulder to see her vote for every Piston. "What are you doing?" I ask....

"I don't want anyone to feel left out...."

What the heck, my wife just makes me smile!

-------Update....5 minutes later--------

Julie- "Buds....That is so embarrasing"

Lee- "What, it's true isn't it?"

Julie- "I didn't just vote for them so they wouldn't feel left out, they are all good buds."

--------

My bad (She's lyin') ;)

Your jealosy overwhelms me.

Oh, by the way, have I told you what I am getting for my birthday this year...? I'll give y'all a hint, its even cooler than tools!

Stay tuned for a story by guest author Fatty Nazaroff....

Late one night in College Station Julie and I met up with my father and a friend of his at the Dixie Chicken. For those of you who do not know The Chicken, it is the most well know bar at Texas A&M. It is basically a college honky-tonk, where you are welcome to carve whatever you want into the tables, and the walls are adorned with dead animals and old license plates. It is a rip roaring good ol' Aggie boy good time.

This night in particular was hideously boring to Julie. My father’s friend (Dreux) also works in the field of computing, fascinating to 3/4 of the party involved. We were having a few beers and discussing the finer points of networks, Unix, etc. I mean really, who wouldn’t be having a good time right? Well apparently someone thought this stuff sucked. I could see Julie getting more and more bored, and more and more antsy. Well thorough the Kitchen post we are all well aware of this risks involved when Julie is not paid attention to, and getting bored right?............

After a good 30-45 minutes of computer talk Julie decided to take matters into her own hands. She noticed that her chair was a bit rickety, and as she leaned back she could tell it was about to break. Well what is a bored-out-of-her-mind-girl to do eh........You guessed it, lean back till that sucker breaks.

So we are sitting outside with plenty of overweight, and extremely polite Southern gentlemen who all shoot out of their chairs like they are sitting on springs, "We have to come to the aid of this oh so cute damsel in distress."

Yeh wife, I am on to your game (She just wants to change the subject)

Well I just think that this is hilarious, I am just staring at her on the floor, laughing, when I hear nearly every gentleman on the porch say to Julie....

"Darlin' that is me that is supposed to be breakin' chairs."
"Can I get you a chair?"
"Are you okay"

I am looking like an insensitive jerk, but I know that the girl is hilarious...COME ON PEOPLE SHE IS FINE, merely wanting a change of subject and some attention. Well shame on her, because after all the commotion died down and the dust settled the conversation came back out full force again, right back to computers.

Am I right though, doesn’t Julie just crack you up or what…..

As some of you are aware of, "KissCams" are popular in pro sports today. The basic concept is that the cameraman (sorry, cameraperson) zooms in on couples and they (usually) kiss. It provides for some funny moments couples, young and old kiss.

Well I usually take the opportunity to tell Julie that if we are ever on KissCam we are not just going to kiss, we are going to have a good old fashion lights go out at Kyle Field mugging (WHOOP). Today was no different. The KissCam was particularly lame today, with couples either not kissing, or giving each other little wimp-kisses. Julie and I were laughing about the opportunity to make out in front of thousands of people, when Julie yells out "THATS US!!!!" I look up, all excited to embarrass the wife unmercifully, when I look up to see two folks that were NOT us. (I come to find out later that she was NOT playing a joke on me, she genuinely thought that the two people on the JumboTron were us....really)

I guess someone is just eager to play kissy face with the husband....

Well the part I find most humorous was the fact that the couples to our left and right heard Julie, which was probably more embarrassing to Julie than if we had just made out on the KissCam.

Well I have said it before and I'll say it again....My life rules!!!!

Theme was Light the Fire, Cool song (now totally worn out) and a cool theme. During the staff introduction skit my wife was trying to learn what it meant to be a "fire-lighter." (Tell people about Jesus) Well this was tough for Julie's character to understand. She thought she was supposed to light real fires (no that is not the funny part, dang y'all are inpatient).

What made me smile most about this role (besides the fact that my shy not center stage wife had to be center stage and was totally embarrassed), was the fact that Julie's voice and accent totally changed while in charter. When someone that doesn't know Julie speaks with her, they hardly would notice her accent. Being in Colorado we get very few comments about it. Well in the role as the "fire-lighter," you would have thought that she was from Tyler, TX. Girl had and accent as thicker than (can't think of anything clever to say, so let's just say it was thick)...

Well one day I asked her why the firelighter had an accent and she looked at my like I needed to go to the looney bin. She had no idea that she had a South Texas accent when playing the firelighter. Further, when I asked her to try and not use the accent the next week, she couldn't. Girl is a natural ham, she should have been on Broadway....

We she was getting really crazy when I saw her trying to do the Running Man in the kitchen. (When Julie gets bored she doesn't have me to be dorky and make her laugh, so she does the next best thing, make herself laugh.) She was laughing hysterically, and trying to get her white rhythm going when she disappeared beneath the counter. (Note to self... Running Man + socks + linoleum = skinned knee).

Let's look at it from my perspective shall we....

Wife- Laughing
Wife- Doing Running Man
Lee- Julie what are you doing (also laughing)
Julie- busting a move
Julie- disappeared
Julie- Thump, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lee- Are you okay?
Julie- Yeah (in between fits of laughter)
Lee- Matt, guess what just happened.........

Man my life rules!

Lee - "Where is the check book"
Julie - "Up your butt and around the corner"
Lee - "Don't make me come over there"
Julie- "Bend over and I'll get it for you"

I sat there wondering, does she lie in bed at night trying to think up things to make me laugh uncontrollably? Funny thing is, Julie was more shocked than me....man is she hilarious.